Letting Go Of Ego

Ego is a curious entity. Some experts say it is a part of our human makeup because it keeps our species alive. Other experts say it is the one reason that is going to end man's existence.

Ego cost me the ability to enjoy sports, relationships and my career. All of these became anxious nightmares because I was placing my whole identity on being the best, which translated into superiority or at least higher human hierarchy.

I think sometimes we lose many quality traits like self-esteem, pride, assertiveness, responsible and well-groomed because we mistakenly place it under the umbrella of Ego. In fact I would argue that ego is the complete opposite of these adjectives. I once said about me "I have done many good deeds, but at times for the wrong reason." The tasks I was doing for good, like getting my Master's degree to help cardiac patients heal and live healthy lives, on the surface appeared admirable.

But underneath this humanitarian surface lie the falsity of Ego. It is true that I help many people but I was so proud of me that I forgot who I was serving. My Ego was telling me that I was a superior person that should have respect. My Ego was telling me that I was better than my comrade brother because I had the "made out" prestigious job versus their more pheasant job. Now I may be putting more judgment on myself because I never treated the house cleaners and groundskeepers any less than I treated the Doctors.

But I would often think to me "how can these people be so happy working so hard for such little money." That is pure ego. The funny part of Ego is it can present itself in many simple forms.

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Let me give you an example on Ego and how tricky it can be to be aware of its presence. Let's say that a person realizes that they are too wrapped up in themselves (ego) and work hard to replace human hierarchy, materialism, their need to be always right and judgment. But it in the process becomes judgmental of those that don't surrender their Egotistical ways. Well, this is ego again showing feeding its ugly side, which only strengthens it, so subtly. I often notice this in many organized religion and politics. I am right and you are wrong and I will even commit war against you and kill those of you that think differently than I.

I have said the ego, if left unnoticed, will eventually kill its host. Suicide, by having so much in life but still not being happy, is the Ego which is running out of food to survive. Many times the Ego will feast on short-lived roles (being an all-mighty Doctor, Lawyer, CEO); or conquest (sleeping with many women, or a women so caught up in proving herself equal in the workforce). Soon Ego needs more of these short-term victories to feel fulfilled. Environmental pollution, Global warming, nations at war all connecting with Ego. "I need to control and have tons of money, even at the expense of the planet. I or we need to be right, resulting in other young men and women lay their lives on the line so a country's leader can display that their ideals are the correct way.

If you were to read "Radical Forgiveness" by Colin Tipping or "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle you will discover that in the basic breakdown of their philosophy about Ego is letting go of roles that define you. The reason, once the role ceases to exist then you no longer know who are and this leads to depression, anxiety and a need fulfillment by outside sources.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club #61)

The newest selection from Oprah s Book Club Illuminating, enlightening, and uplifting, A New Earth is a profoundly spiritual guide to creating a better way of living and a better world to live in. Building on the astonishing success of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle presents readers with an honest look at the current state of humanity: He implores us to see and accept that this state, which is based on an erroneous identification with the egoic mind, is one of dangerous insanity. Tolle tells us there is good news, however. There is an alternative to this potentially dire situation. Humanity now, perhaps more than in any previous time, has an opportunity to create a new, saner, more loving world.

This will involve a radical inner leap from the current egoic consciousness to an entirely new one. In illuminating the nature of this shift in consciousness, Tolle describes in detail how our current ego-based state of consciousness operates. Then gently, and in very practical terms, he leads us into this new consciousness. We will come to experience who we truly are which is something infinitely greater than anything we currently think we are and learn to live and breathe freely.

From The Publisher: The Power of Now established Eckhart Tolle as one of the leading spiritual teachers writing today. Now, his long-awaited follow-up brings his inspiring and profound message to a whole new audience. Building on the astonishing success of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle takes us beyond our own lives to show that we now have the opportunity to birth a new, more loving world. This involves a radical inner leap of consciousness from the current identification with our ego to an entirely new way of thinking about who we are. For this to happen, the very strictures of the human mind need to undergo an evolutionary transformation.

In A New Earth, Tolle shows how this transformation can occur not only in ourselves, but in the world around us. In illuminating the nature of this shift of consciousness, Tolle describes in detail how our current ego-based state of consciousness operates. He then gently and in very practical terms leads us into this new consciousness. We will come to experience who we are truly are, which is infinitely greater than anything we currently think we are. About The Author: ECKHART TOLLE is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Power of Now (translated into 33 languages) and the highly acclaimed follow-up A New Earth, which are widely regarded as two of the most influential.

The roles can be as obvious as parenting, our profession, our team, and our community or as subtle as our religious beliefs. So how do you have a sense of pride? And who are we?

Let me start by answering the second question "who are we"; the answer is I don't know. The difficulty in this answer is accepting it for what it is and not analyze. If you need something to hang your hat on the two authors would say "you are a spiritual being having a human experience" and there is no need for human Ego.

The response to the first question about pride, the authors keep this simple. Pride is neither good nor bad. Pride is only unhealthy when it is ego driven. You loose yourself in the identification with anything other than the one identity that makes every living organism special and connects all of us -Source Energy. This creates what they call duality or cutting ourselves off from the Divine.

I see this displayed coaching youth hockey - I have even seen it in me. Parents come to cheer for their children only to leave the rink shouting at them or getting into a fight with another parent. The parent's own ego has been threaten because of how identified they have become with the success of their child. Almost to the point where they feel the child has caused them to lose their pride and their human and community hierarchy.

I encourage you to read the two books on Ego. However, I want to leave you with on major theme of both these authors and that is not to fight your Ego. Conflict only makes the Ego stronger. Be ware of it and notice it in yourself and in others without judgment, just become aware and accept the Ego. Once the Ego is under the spotlight it will begin to dissolve on its own.

Scott Farmer
babyboomersthriven.com

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Rule Number Two Written by Dr Heidi Squier Kraft

Dr. Kraft is now a retired Lieutenant Commander clinical psychologist in the United States Navy. She was called to Iraq several months after her twins were born, making her tour of duty an extra hard one. I can only try to visualize just how hard this tour was with her husband being a naval pilot and leaving those twins, while she was away serving our military.

As most of us think we know how bad things are in Iraq, or were when Dr. Kraft was on duty, we have a hard time understanding how much our military officers and non-commissioned men and women are and were in need of her profession. She never knew when she would be called out of the shabby barracks to assist someone; never knew when shells would rain down on her and her fellow soldiers; never knew what she would see in the way of physical wounds such as missing limbs, eye, or other body parts; had no way of knowing if the patient would pull through or be a vegetable; but she always knew that her help as a psychologist and sometimes as a medical doctor or nurse would come into such dramatic use.

During her tour of duty she contacted her family as much as possible but the use of any communications gear was in such short demand and it was shared by so many. Dr. Kraft had many a sleepless night, some due to noise from exploding shells or mortars, but many due to the hot conditions she had to endure in Iraq with temperatures regularly getting to 132º, making sleep extremely difficult. Sometimes she and some of her fellow staff would be called to a different location where problems existed. They had to talk soldiers down to earth when they wanted to commit suicide for a reason they felt they couldn't live with. Their own fellow medical professionals helped each other when things got too tough.

When a soldier is lost on the battlefield or in the hospital setting, it is so physically and mentally difficult for the entire staff to stay concentrated on their objectivity. Dr. Kraft draws you into the scene wherever it may be and you will find yourself shaking your head as you wonder how the staff could survive through such terrible actions. Yes, you will probably shed a few tears reading through some of the very sentimental times both from the battlefield and from personal lives as they endured the unknown.

When you finish Rule Number Two you will have been through an experience you will never forget and you will have even more respect for our men and women in our armed forces and what they endure. Thank you Dr. Heidi Squier Kraft for your excellent story and the way you told it to all of us.

Reader review by Cy Hilterman.
Reviewer of many types of books.

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Book Review - "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" by Prof Erantha De Mel

Prof. Erantha De Mel in his latest book "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" offers a cogent expose of the human mind processes. It explains how to reprogram the thought patterns and thinking styles to obtain the desired results in life; and also it offers a technology for creating change. The book explains very lucidly how patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behavior are created and how we develop habits and mental programs over a period of time. Habits are not formed overnight. When we do the same thing over and over again - over a period of time, we form a habit. Our thoughts are also habits. All of us have the capacity to consider ways to re-program our minds and create new neurological pathways to achieve success.

Prof. Erantha De Mel is the founder of the Neural Optimization Technique. He is an internationally acclaimed Cognitive Neuroscientist and was the recipient of the Cambridge Blue Book Man of the Year award 2005 for his contribution to the field of Neuroscience and Cybernetics. As a practicing psychologist and researcher, in both psychology and parapsychology; he is engaged in extensive research in both fields and is a scholar with original research into Altered States of Consciousness and Psycho-Cybernetics. The Neural Optimization Technique (NeuralOpTech) provides multiple applications for business modeling, counseling, psychology, management development, sports performance, and many more. This technique also provides a way out of old habits, fears, limiting beliefs, and gives a structure for new and empowering ways of being in the world. Some people simply breathe the air; others savor the fragrance and tang in each and every breath they take. Some people look out at a landscape and see cliffs, valleys, fields and streams; others see minute details of life, climate, and splendor. "There are no facts in life. We have only perceptions" - Prof. De Mel says in his book. What we perceive is a fact for us.

Very effectively he addresses issues such as self-sabotage (sabotaging one's own success), refining self-perception (what you believe about yourself), and receiving what you expect from your life (manifestation of intent). The techniques described in this book help one to disentangle and re-define life-situations; and to clarify feelings and thoughts to his or her own advantage. It provides new resources to move forward proactively and positively. He shows how to practice positive emotional states on a daily basis, and how to manifest one's expectations in life. "If one practices feeling 'happy' everyday in his life, it is easier to feel happy" he says; because that person is practicing it, affirming it, and creating it. That's why it is so important to choose happiness as the predominant state of mind. On the contrary, if one is feeling depressed and low, and if that person keeps practicing going back to that depression - invariably, it will create depression in him.

The book describes how to examine the validity of your thought processes that is important in altering your thoughts. "In finding the validity of your thoughts, you need to defend and produce evidence that the bases for your thoughts are true. If you are unable to meet this challenge, the faulty nature of your thoughts is exposed. Your thoughts are also habits. When you think in the same way over-and-over again - over a period of time, such thought processes become habits. In other words, they become "automatic" thought processes. When engaged in irrational thinking, instead of reacting to the reality of a situation, an individual tends to react to his or her own distorted viewpoint of the situation. For instance, a person may conclude that he is "worthless" simply because he failed an exam or a job interview. It is important to identify such distorted thinking patterns, or cognitive distortions, and change or restructure them in a realistic manner."

This book is written with minimum technical terminology, having the average reader in mind. The information that is provided is excellent and invaluable in personality development and attitudinal change. It is a "must read" book!

BOOK FACTS:
Title: Optimizing the Infinite Mind
Author: Erantha De Mel
Publisher: Meli Inc. USA
Paperback: 552 pages
ISBN-10: 0982046200
ISBN-13: 978-0982046203
Reader Rating: +++++

Reviewed by Dr. Jeanne Oswald

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A Complete Review of Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

This is a book review of Daniel Goleman's Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships.

Goleman in his groundbreaking book reveals that neural linkages between humans influence the brain and the body. These invisible bridges give us the ability to change people's moods, emotions, and health - as these people can do to us. Relationships not only shape emotional states and general psychological experience, but also the very physiological matter that makes our body. Our interactions with people influences our immune system, circulation, hormones, and breathing for example.

Neuroscience is quickly discovering that humans are wired to connect. Our ability to connect with fellow humans influences us in deep and immediate ways. Unlike emotional intelligence, social intelligence focuses on this intimate connection between two human minds. Goleman's Emotional Intelligence focuses on skills and capabilities within the individual. It deals with self-motivation, self-awareness, handling anxiety, and reading social cues.

Social Intelligence expands from the one-person psychology within an individual to a two-person psychology that looks at the connection shared between individuals. More specifically, Goleman defines social intelligence as:
1) Social awareness, which comprises of primal empathy, attunement, empathic accuracy, and social cognition, and
2) Social facility, which includes synchrony, self-presentation, influence, and concern.

Goleman says many theories of social intelligence are narrowly defined to a cognitive context. Social intelligence tests ask participants what they would do in specific situations - a process that uses the brain's "high road" functions within our awareness. Goleman's model of social intelligence seeks to include the brain's low-road, the neural circuitry hidden from consciousness that functions at incredible speeds, because awareness of what people are thinking or feeling does not equate to healthy conversations. As the book's titles states: Social intelligence is beyond the intelligence quotient (I.Q.) and emotional intelligence.

Drawing on hundreds of studies, Social Intelligence looks into altruism, primal empathy, attachment, rapport, and compassion to name a few topics that are emerging from this new field of study. From the amygdala and prefrontal cortex to spindle cells and mirror neurons, like Emotional Intelligence, Goleman once again digs deep into neuroscience and vast numbers of studies. Again, he provides plenty of interesting anecdotes to demonstrate his principles in action, which to me gives the book more power for its application.

Chapter one reveals the emotional economy, a term that describes the give-take process of emotions. It discusses how a smile makes you happy, a worried looking face makes you unsure, and the biological process of how emotions transmit through people like a virus.

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", is a young communication skills coach, author, and owner of Tower of Power. He has written a more comprehensive review of Goleman's Social Intelligence, and written plenty of groundbreaking articles on emotional and social intelligence, which you can freely download right now at his site TowerOfPower.com.au

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A Beautiful Mind - Nobel Prize Winning Doctor John Nash

"Nothing's ever for sure, John. That's the only sure thing I do know," says the schitzotypical auditory plus visual delusion and hallucination known to John Nash as Charles. This is very true even coming from one of these three imaginary people that John Nash believes to be a part of his daily life. Although non-existent these characters including not only Charles, but his adolescent niece Marcie, and his military contact William Parcher or just Parcher, play a pivotal role in the life of professor and doctor, John Nash.

True, much of what the public knows of the mental disorders, and specifically Schizophrenia is based on what they observe from films and television. This Oscar/Academy four time wining film, A Beautiful Mind, is a very compelling story about a genius mathematician/ cryptologist, who's life in Cold War era America, aroused his super paranoid and delusional thought process to overwhelm his mind.

ONSET:

John Nash exhibited mild symptoms or schitzotypal behavior probably through his childhood. This is evident because of his avoidant personality shown by his impeded interpersonal communication and relationships, and by his moderate "word salad" that he has. His hallucinations and delusions manifested initially by his graduate school Princeton roommate Charles.

His peers played a crucial role in his life and in his recovery. Once stabilized to a level of acceptance and coping with his symptoms he is given visitations and job opportunities to help him in reintegration. Through the entire relations ship from student to wife, Alicia Nash was interceptive and supportive of his treatment and life after treatment, including a dangerous relapse of behaviors.

Also, his peers did not initially know how to respond to the disorder because of John Nash's involvement with the US government. It may have opaque at times but eventually they could make light of the situation once Nash was coping and stable.

THE PLOT THICKENS?:

John Nash almost killed his baby son by drowning him in the tub during his major relapse. He had been pocketing the medication and eventually he regained his code breaking and psychotic behaviors. He was in the back shed while drawing the bath and got caught up in what was allegedly provided by Parcher and the US governments' highest echelons.

+ Symptoms= Racing thoughts, Hallucinations, Delusions

- Symptoms= Cognitive impairment, grossly distorted reality

(Axis I and Axis II)

RETURN TREATMENT:

Nash was able to eventually be stabilized on his psychotropic medications and with time and strong encouragements able to cope. This was abruptly made evident by his realization that the manifestation of Marcie never aged and paired his wife's' strong endearment and optimism towards him.

Self Reliance was key to his rehabilitation and integration back into society. Aside from a strong support network he found that working in his field of abstract mathematics was his tool for learning interpersonal relationships and separating reality from his reality.

The Nobel Prize was a major pat on the back for John Nash. Although he did not know the extent of his economic theories had spilled over into, Nash was still acknowledged for his intelligence. It is his life time achievement and it is he can observe that his life was great, not grandiose.

PAST & PRESENT THEORIES:

Although many scientific advancement have been made in psychology and imaging techniques treatment has not evolved juristically. Although doctors can now see the brain functioning and areas of brain used in a schizophrenic person the treatment is somewhat similar to that of the 1950's. ECT, medication, hospitalization, and reintegration are the keystones of treatment for the stabilizing of this mental disorder. Then a medical round of SSRI's and atypical anti-psychotics are used to maintain an even keel. Hospitalization is a safe way to intervene on an individual although laws have changed regarding commitment of those deemed unsafe for society. ECT has been modernized and more finite now and can be used to treat a plethora of moderate to severe mental disorders. Also, SSRI's are more affective and paired with support many will stay stable.

Once John Nash was known to be schizophrenic his friends help with the families clarification of his advanced symptoms. Then they slowly allow him back into his life with some initial hesitance that eventually will turn into a subject of laughter between old friends. Although some were intolerant and mocking of his disorder and effort he was able to maintain a level of functioning on the normal plane of societal existence and even win the highest scientific achievement award.

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Watch Out For the Hypnotic Scam Artist

People love to be entertained by fantastic hypnotists who have their subjects dancing like the "Chippendales" or singing like Madonna. We watch as people bark like dogs and crawl like babies. The funny things people will do on stage under hypnosis never seem to leave the audience disappointed. The shows are fun.

Well, that was until I went to a seminar where it just wasn't funny anymore.

After the attendees at this particular "wealth" seminar had been put under hypnosis several times in previous seminars by this hypnotist, I witnessed as he got in front of the audience and auctioned off a one-hundred dollar bill ($100.00) and made $50,000.00!

Yes, my zeros are correct . . . Fifty thousand dollars for a one-hundred dollar bill.

Who would do something so ridiculous? Who would pay $50,000.00 for a one-hundred dollar bill?

Could it be, just maybe . . . someone who was "hypnotized" and fed the right hypnotic phrases?

Hmm!

"We're going to play a game now, and this is how the game goes." The hypnotist started out.

"I'm going to offer this one-hundred dollar bill to the highest bidder. But the catch is this. The two highest bidders have to pay, but only the highest bidder gets the one-hundred dollar bill."

Say What? Who would go for something so ridiculous? Are you saying that if I am the second highest bidder, I have to pay and get absolutely nothing?

Oh yes! This is how the game goes!

Hmm!

I remember shouting out something like "$10.00!" Then I heard "$500.00!"

The voice in my head shouted: People! Hello! It's a one-hundred dollar bill! What are you doing?

I then just sat back and watched the scene unfold.

The bidding went higher and higher. The Auctioneer/Hypnotist actually had to stop the bidding because it got too far out of hand.

All I can tell you is that this Auctioneer/Hypnotist made $50,000.00 off of his one-hundred dollar bill . . . that's where he stopped the bidding. (Oh! By the way . . . The Auctioneer/Hypnotist was nice enough to give both high bidders a $100.00 after he demanded they pay up!)

Hmm!

I know you are saying, "No, Karen! He made more than $50,000.00 . . . remember the highest two people had to pay!"

I know. I'm pretty good in math. I stated that he made only $50,000.00 because I suspect, that just maybe, one of those highest bidders was a plant. Just maybe . . . I can't be sure though. I just asked myself repeatedly, "Why does the top two (2) highest bidders in the game have to pay?"

Hmm!

To understand how this hypnotist was able to pull off this scam, I suggest you read Robert B. Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.

Having the same goal as I have, to dilute the effectiveness of the scam artist's poisonous venom, one of the things that Robert Cialdini brilliantly explains is how people can get suckered in auction environments.

Cialdini tells a true story of how even a top network executive got sucker-punched in an auction for the movie, "The Poseidon Adventure," and after catching his breath, this top executive made the statement that his network would never again enter into an auction situation.

Now, let me test your computing skills.

Add this together for me:

An auction environment that's just right for a scam

plus

An audience full of people who allowed themselves to be hypnotized by the Auctioneer/Hypnotist . . .

What do you get?

Hmm!

All I can say is that the Auctioneer/Hypnotist GOT at least $50,000.00 for his one-hundred dollar bill!

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion is definitely a book that con artists and scammers don't want you to read. This book will definitely give you power over them!

Self-Empowerment is the Key to Never Getting Scammed Again!
YOUR LIFE really can be as beautiful and as bountiful as YOU create it to be! Self Empowerment is the Key!

Karen E. Smith is the author of Energy Diet, a self empowerment eBook. She is also a book reviewer for AnimatedBookReviews.com, a book review web site featuring reviews of empowerment books that motivate, inspire and educate.

Please visit The Energy Diet Book Web site to learn how you can empower your life:

http://www.energydietbook.com/

AND

Please visit The Animated Book Reviews web site for some empowering books: [http://www.animatedbookreviews.com]

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Book Review: Why Mars and Venus Collide by John Gray, PhD

Recently I've read the book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress by John Gray, Ph.D. I absolutely loved the book! I must say, this is a much needed book for couples because it educates and gives insights and specific tips and strategies on dealing with stress in men and women.

The book explains how our brains are structured and function differently thus affecting our behavior. In a chapter called Hardwired to Be Different the author points out that "Men and women possess two different types of brains, designed equally for intelligent behavior". The main difference is that men have more gray matter than women do and women have more white matter than men do. This fact alone explains why we excel at different tasks and communicate differently. The chapter also points out why men are focused on one task at a time and women are multitasking, as well as why men are risk takers and women are conservative and prioritize security. Because of the fundamental difference in brain structure and function women should not expect men to behave like women and vice versa. We should respect these differences and work with each other keeping these differences in mind.

Another part of the book points out the difference in hormones and how it affects our behavior. Special emphasis is made on stress hormones and their effect on a man's and a woman's well being. Women generally need to focus on keeping their oxytocin levels up and men need to focus on keeping their testosterone levels up. The author gives a list of 100 ways a woman can raise her oxytocin levels and 100 ways a man can help a woman raise her oxytocin levels. I found the 90/10 solution for a woman to keep her feel-good hormone up especially revealing; this is something I always will keep in my mind. There are also tips on how a woman can help her man raise his testosterone levels.

Three chapters of the book the author dedicated to explaining why the fights start, what we can do to prevent them, how to stop a fight and how to make up after a fight. These chapters are loaded with helpful tips and suggestions. From now on I will keep in mind that "mixing feelings and problem solving simply doesn't work". The author suggests that we have two types of conversations -- one to lessen emotional tension, called Venus Talk, and the other to solve the problem.

I had several "Aha" moments while reading the book. This is the book I will be referring to to get answers and reminders on how to deal with stress and improve a relationship with my partner. Now I have a better understanding of our differences and what my partner and I need to effectively cope with stress. I know that applying the tips and strategies described in the book will help couples bring the best out of their partners.

If you like this article you might like other articles on my blog

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