How to Succeed Using Gratitude - An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love, by Richard and Kristine Carlson

You may or may not know the name Richard Carlson, but millions of people all over the world have read his, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," books. Dr. Carlson was considered to be one of the foremost experts on happiness around the globe. As the author of thirty popular books, he used humor and every-day life to show millions of people how to not let the small things in life get the best of them. With more than 26 million books in print, published in 35 languages in over 130 countries, Richard Carlson became a worldwide phenomenon. He spoke to enthusiastic audiences around the world and was a popular TV and radio personality. He starred in his own PBS Special, which aired to millions, and was the host of a series called, "Don't Sweat the Future." What Dr. Carlson illustrated so beautifully through all of his work is the simple fact that life does not have to be as difficult as we make it. If we are not distracted by worry and self-imposed crisis, the real purpose of life is right in front of us: Live in the present moment.

Even at the height of his fame, Dr. Carlson chose to live authentically, declining many opportunities for fame and fortune. He remained devoted to normalcy and deeply understood that every-day life is where we find our most significant gifts. In 2003, on their 18th wedding anniversary, Richard presented his wife, Kristine, with a short manuscript called, "An Hour to Live." In it, he imagined that the end of his life was imminent. He posed questions originally asked by author Stephen Levine: Who would you call? What would you say? and Why are you waiting? Uncannily, the small book foreshadowed Carlson's unexpected death three years later of a pulmonary embolism.

Following his death, Kristine published the book, adding her own responses to these questions. Titled, "An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love," Kristine asks the audience to discover their own answers. Like John Izzo's book, "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die," this book suggests that we truly liveright now and leave no regrets.

In a recent blog, Kristine Carlson shared a simple and yet very profound idea: Presence is a powerful thing. Living a fully-present life, based in gratitude is one of the basic tenets of positive psychology. To somehow decide to be grateful when the worst of all things is happening to us. To still be present for others and to not live in fear. To continue to move forward. These are the efforts that Richard and Kristine Carlson wish us to undertake right this second.

"All pain in life comes from wishing things were different than they are. So conversely, peace and happiness must come from accepting life as it is and breaking through the barriers of illusion to do so... All things that we label good or bad often hold in them surprises if we stay open. Each of us has choice in how we interpret life's events and in this way we are each responsible for our own reality." - Kristine Carlson

Richard Carlson's loving anniversary letter to his wife became a living example of gratitude to all of us. Positive psychology is much more than a science. It is the daily application of happiness to create the most successful life possible. Finding personal reasons to be grateful is a worthwhile, daily effort. For a valuable grounding exercise in gratitude, The Gratitude Letter, by well-known author Martin Seligman, please visit: http://publishing.yudu.com/Freedom/Ankww/GratitudeExercise/ As Richard and Kristine ask so beautifully in their book, Why are you waiting?

To your success! Dr. Success, Andrea Goeglein, Ph.D.

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How to Deal With Rejection

Feeling rejected
Most people avoid rejection as much as they can. Some people feel more rejected than others. Also, the term "rejection" can mean different things to a different person.

For someone just a simple word "No" means rejections, and for others "Breaking Up" or "I hate you" means rejection.

If you are overly sensitive person, it would be harder for you to accept rejection but it's possible to make it easier. I personally love sensitive people because they are so much more interesting.

You need to remember that people are rejected for some reason or for nor reason at all. It will make it easier for you to know that.

Why rejection happens?
If you were rejected by the person who was important to you, it can be hard. Most of us would like to be liked for who we are but not for what we can offer to others. Often rejection means that we don't have or can't give what the other person needs. Sometimes people have very specific demands that hard to please.

After you were rejected you need to realize that a person who rejected you probably felt rejected too and was afraid you were going to reject him/her first. There is some difference in being rejected or being ignored. If you were ignored and felt rejected it isn't the hardest form of rejection yet, so be happy for just being ignored.

Some people go through harder times when they invested time in someone (for example, relatives or friends) and then were completely rejected by a relative who was suppose to be there for them no matter what.

Not all people are lucky to have perfect loving relatives or spouses or even friends. Being rejected by a family members can be hard. If you are going through divorce you would experience rejection too. If family members broke up with you, you will feel rejection. And at those times, you maybe not be as sad about break up as about the trust and faith that you had in them.

Why people break up
People break up because of unmet expectations. You will need to find someone who can both meet your expectations and you meet their expectations. The best thing to get over rejection is to concentrate on a new relationship or meet new people or find something exciting in your life. The only hard thing would be to replace parents or siblings because most of us think we should be loved by them. You can't find another parent or sibling, so all you can do is to realize you did what you could and you can't give them what they need. But still try to love them and be nice to them, they could come back into your life again. Some people, were rejected by all their relatives or even never had a family in the entire life, maybe it's even better than it could be...

We never know a complete picture, so maybe what happened to you was better than it could be?

What if you weren't rejected this time, maybe you would suffer more later? Think about these questions in tough times of dealing with rejection.

Turn to God
If you believe in God it will help you dealing with rejection. You can tell God about your worries and believe He can hear you. We don't always understand why things are the way they are but believe it's all for the better. Maybe you need to learn something from this experience or help someone in the future who goes through this too.

Aks Tall Girl - http://www.asktallgirl.com/ - ask questions, read blog, find answers

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Why Attaining Happiness is So Elusive, Part 4

This is the fourth article of the series reviewing The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt. I want to share with you my take on two notions that we do not normally associate with happiness. The first notion is adversity or stress and the second is virtue or being a good person. I have been very fortunate in my life, but I have also faced many setbacks, to say the least, in my more than 60 years. Furthermore, as a Christian, I try to live a virtuous life. So I was very curious about what insights and recommendations Haidt had to offer here regarding happiness.

Let us look back briefly at what I talked about in the third article. I described four thought-provoking concepts: the Progress principle, the Adaptation principle, the Happiness formula, and the term "finding flow." I also examined the differences between pleasure and gratification, do and have, and passionate love and companion love. I saw each of these concepts and differences reflected in my own life in one way or another.

What fascinates me in the work of Haidt is that he is constantly contrasting ideas. For me this quality of seeing subtle and different meanings is the hallmark of a knowledgeable and reflective person. This quality of seeing shades of meanings is something that I greatly admire in my colleague, Dr. Fred Horowitz at happiness-after-midlife.com. He is constantly making what he calls "distinctions," which allows him to see what others do not see. Take for example astronomers. When he looks at the sky at night, what he sees and what astronomers see are vastly different. Astronomers have many more distinctions than he has, which gives them more power in that domain than he has. So the more distinctions you or I have in a domain (business, music, sports, and so on) the more power we have and the more effective we are.

In this article I look at what Haidt terms the Adversity hypothesis described as the need to overcome setbacks in order to grow. He also presents the Virtue hypothesis, the need to practice virtue in order to be happy. Drawing on scientific research, he contrasts post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and post traumatic growth. He also distinguishes between virtue and moral reasoning. Will knowing these things make any difference in my life? The proverbial answer is of course "it depends," depending on whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, whether you are open-minded or cynical, according to Haidt.

Haidt quotes Neitszche who once said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Good quote, but to what degree is it true? It is well known that soldiers returning from war suffer greatly from PTSD. In addition, we know that excessive stress in daily life can cause depression, anxiety and heart disease. On the other hand, we know that people can profit greatly from stress and setbacks. In my own case, losing an important job at a publishing company was initially stressful, but it was the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to reinvent myself.

Are adversity and suffering necessary for maximum human development?

Haidt distinguishes between a weak version and a strong version of the Adversity hypothesis. Scientific research over the last 15 years shows that people can be quite resilient in the face of severe stress. They can discover hidden abilities; they can relate to others more meaningfully; and they can change practices and philosophies towards the present. A challenging experience could lead to joy and self-improvement.

While I was completing my doctorate, I was faced with a traumatic situation when my father died. I felt incredible pain at his loss, even though I hardly knew him (he was in the Merchant Marine and was never home), but he was the most generous person in my life. I will forever be grateful to him and my mother. I recommitted myself to completing my doctorate and finished a year later.

On the other hand, the strong version of the Adversity hypothesis states that people must endure adversity to grow. Haidt quotes Marcel Proust: "We do not receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves..." Recent research supports the strong version. It takes suffering and pain to make you more open-minded, more compassionate and more capable of finding balance between your self and others.

However, for adversity to provide the most benefit some conditions are more favorable than others according to certain researchers. For example, those in their late teens or early 20s respond best to severe adversity. Also, optimists and those with the right social and psychological resources respond best to traumas. Furthermore, the adversity must not be too severe as to overcome the person entirely. I like to think that while each of us has been given the same "deck of cards", it is what we do with the cards that makes all the difference. Each of us has the power to create our lives in spite of the way we are "labeled."

Will cultivating virtue make you happy?

Haidt distinguishes between virtue and moral reasoning. He presents a fascinating tour of ancient wisdom for cultivating virtue. He explores the thinking of the ancient Egyptian Amenemope, Aristotle, Confucius, and Buddha, as well as the 13-week plan for virtuous living of a more recent wise man, Ben Franklin. He admires their "sophisticated understanding of moral psychology." So do I, particularly the approach of the Franklin who tried all his life to develop both personal virtues (temperance, order, resolution, frugality, moderation, industry, cleanliness and tranquility) and social virtues (silence, sincerity, justice, chastity and humility).

Haidt argues that we started getting it wrong with the rise of science and reason. Modern thinkers like Kant and Bentham made great contributions to social theory. However, their emphasis on logical reason in making moral decisions was a mistake.

Haidt recommends that we shift our attention back to character and virtue in being happy with our actions. He applauds the work of positive psychologists, such as Martin Seligman. He came up with a list of 24 character strengths, including curiosity, love of learning, integrity, humility, gratitude, humor to mention a few. By working on our strengths, we can cultivate Haidt calls the six main virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence.

We must also look beyond ourselves. According to some researchers, altruistic people have depth and virtue to their character and gain happiness from their altruism. So the message for me is I must work on some of these ennobling strengths, not my weaknesses. I must also work on sharing myself with others. In so doing, I open myself to the possibility of being complete and fulfilled.

In Part 5 of the series, I'll look at what divinity and sacredness has to offer and what it means to live a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Dr. Frank Bonkowski is an educator, writer and author of bestselling educational textbooks. He is co-founder, with Dr. Fred Horowitz, of http://www.happiness-after-midlife.com/, an educational website for Third Agers devoted to adult transition and reinvention. He can be reached at dr.frank@happiness-after-midlife.com.

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Two Old Women

The Chief's announcement that the old women be left behind to fend for themselves, sends the wrong message to his people. It signifies what happens to those who adopt the habits of old women, i.e. carrying walking sticks, complaining of aches and pains, etc. The chief confers with himself and delivers a morally incorrect choice. His word is law, and the people blindly accept it, knowing that collectively, they've issued a death sentence. After all, the old women don't hunt, and are most likely incapable of defending themselves from wolves, bears and worst ... cannibals.

According to Kohlberg's stages of moral development, the people have arrived at a post conventional dilemma; what should be done for the greater good? Rather than ask themselves how the actions of the two women impact their survival, and at least one person stepping forward to express it, the two old women are cast away like yesterday's garbage. The chief's directive is law and accepted unconditionally. As a result, over time, he behaves more like a governor, rather than a shepherd. He's forgotten that every life is significant, and everyone has something to offer towards the greater good.

Before the separation, Ozhii Nelii leaves a "bundle of babiche" [thickly stripped raw moose hide that served many purposes] for her mother, and Shruh Zhuu secretly leaves his hatchet where the old women can find it. The two old women are less concerned with the valuable tools, than with the backs of people trudging forward without them. They are angry and stunned, but to Sa's credit, they do not despair. She rallies the older companion, and probably with her fists raised up to the heavens, shouts "If we are going to die, my friend, let us die trying, not sitting".

We learn, as the chief must have also surely forgotten, you don't become an eighty or seventy-five year old nomad without survival skills. The women are next creating traps out of the babiche, and successfully slinging the hatchet for squirrel meat. They remember a place where the fishing was abundant and wonder aloud why they never returned. Possibly another of the chief's blunders.

They create snow shoes out of more of the babiche, and head for better eating. Along the way they continue to trap various critters, and outfox a bear.

Sa' is physically stronger and naturally adventurous. On one of her frequent wanderings, she encounters a full grown bull moose, and a field of berries. She remembers what moose-meat tastes like, and actually attempts to knock the moose upside the head. At this point, I gotta ask who died and made that guy chief. These old ladies are not only surviving, but thriving. According to Erikson's development psychology, the old women's separation from the people have allowed them to become productive rather than useless; rich in foodstuffs, survival gear, and experience. Everything a growing nomad needs.

The author tells a story handed down to her that must have instantly become classic. Its message is more than just another example of "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger". It's a story of perseverance after abandonment, and under possibly, some of the worst conditions. To be eighty or near eighty on some frozen tundra, miles away from civilization, at zero degree temperatures, starving and left to die. Surely many, and younger, have perished under similar conditions. It's a remarkable story, and a book I'll keep.

A year passes, and the old women learn more about themselves and each other. The walking sticks are long gone, and the complaints of aches and pains have been replaced with grimaces and pained physical expressions. The skins and furs from the many animals they've trapped are woven into many various articles of clothing. They've settled where the fish are abundant, and where their presence is not easily ascertained by predators or those damn cannibals. The old women have enjoyed good fortune, but still wonder about the family and life they once had, and the people.

After the long cold season, the chief and his people return, and begin searching for the remains of the old women. The chief's conscience (and probably a year of stares from Shruh Zhuu and his mom) influences this decision. Once again, the people arrive to this place starving, but in fewer numbers. The chief is confused as to why the remains of the women are not easily found. He sends one of the elders, a tracker named Daagoo, along with several young men, to learn the fate of the two old women, and he is successful.

The old women reunite with the tribe, on their terms, but mostly out of great respect and admiration of these two wise old women. Ch'idzigyaak is reunited with her family, and along with her younger companion, assume a position of respect among the people. The tribe learns never to abandon another elder, but probably because the chief never becomes an elder.

Information provided for your consumption by the Reach Network, located in the great city of Chicago. Stay tuned for more ideas you can use, wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

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Quests Beyond Existence - A Book Beyond Description and Perception

Quests Beyond Existence presents the reader a mixture of story-telling, imparting principles, entertaining and educating the reader about concepts beyond human lives.

The book hopes to leave with the reader a more accepting attitude and a much better understanding of life and its relationships both here and beyond. Through the work, it is hoped that the reader will learn to understand human and non-human relationships and be able to apply these ideas in their own lives thereby improving their own existence. These values are hopefully achieved through concrete examples and shared personal experiences of the people in the stories.

Quest Beyond Existence does not comment, judge or criticize any actual people, groups or organizations in real life. There is nothing in the work that can be deemed slanderous of any other person, being or group. Furthermore, the book does not contain any incidents of crime nor does it include any specific descriptions of any violent acts towards human or animals. Quest Beyond Existence also does not contain any vulgar, offensive, discriminatory and indecent words or concepts as it is also completely apolitical.

Quest Beyond Existence does not include any mention or discussions of any acts of terrorism or terrorists. The work is completely based on shared personal experiences of the author. It also does not contain any descriptions or discussions relating to or pertaining to sex or sexual acts.

Quests Beyond Existence is copyrighted and is listed with the Philippine National Library as a Transpersonal Psychology work of fiction.

Buy the book and judge it for yourself.

Michael Duque joined the Spirit Questors in 1997 first as an observer then as an apprentice. Under the guidance of his mentor and SQ Founder Tony Perez, he developed his latent abilities until he became proficient in their use and application.

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Living in the 'Here and Now': The Secret of Contentment and Calm

There is one clear way in which the philosophies of the East and West differ. In the West we believe that we should be constantly struggling to improve our lot. In the East, the prime existential aim is to stop the endless striving for material gain so that one is free to enjoy the perpetual 'here and now'. This approach is well portrayed in the famous Buddhist parable of a man who, in fleeing from a tiger, finds himself dangling on a vine suspended over a steep precipice. He looks down and sees another tiger waiting to devour him should he fall. Then two mice start gnawing at the vine. Looking to one side he sees a ripe, juicy strawberry growing just within his reach. He stretches out, picks the ripe fruit and places it in his mouth. How succulent it tastes, and how sweet life seems in that fleeting moment. One of the great differences between humans and animals is that we have a past and a future as well as a present, whereas their thoughts are focussed entirely on the matters of the moment. We have a vivid imagination, which is one of our supreme assets as well as one of our greatest liabilities, since it enables us to dwell on past mistakes and envision future catastrophes. That is the root cause of most of our day-to-day angst.

Sir William Osler, the Canadian doctor who became Regius Professor of Medicine at Oxford University, told his students that they could cope with the stress and strain of their professional lives by cultivating the habit of living their lives in 'day-tight compartments.' Everyone can carry their burden until nightfall, he assured them, whereas even the strongest will falter if they also try to carry yesterday's load and the burdens of tomorrow. This is one of the key principles of Buddhist thought and practice, portrayed in the well-known story of the elderly Indian lady who approached the Lord Buddha and said she wanted to join a community to learn the art of meditation but was too busy to escape her family commitments. The Buddha told her that she didn't need to leave home, for she could learn to meditate by focussing on the here and now. 'Every time you draw water from the well for you and your family, remain aware of every single act, movement and motion of your hands,' he instructed her. 'As you do your chores, maintain continual mindfulness and awareness every single instant, moment after moment, and you too will become a master of meditation.'

We have lost this art today, partly because we try to multitask, and partly because we waste our time mulling over past mistakes and slights. One of the key messages of sports psychology, is to train tennis players and golfers to concentrate on the task in hand rather than allow their performance to be marred by the double fault they've just served, or the four-foot putt they've just missed. We only achieve our peak performance, and overcome needless anxiety, if we adopt the habit of 'nownessness'. This was proved by a study of holocaust survivors which showed that the victims who made the best adjustment to everyday life on their release were the ones who managed to push their past sufferings to the back of their minds and get on with their current, day-to-day activities.

Schopenhauer, the German born philosopher, is well known for his pessimistic outlook. However, there is one brief ray of hope and cheer in his book On the Suffering of the World where he grudgingly admits that one might argue 'that the greatest wisdom consists in enjoying the present and making this enjoyment the goal of life, because the present is all that is real and everything else merely imaginary.' Unfortunately he ruins this uplifting advice in his very next sentence where he writes: 'But you could just as well call this mode of life the greatest folly; for that which in a moment ceases to exist, which vanishes as a dream, cannot be worth any serious effort.' In arriving at this jaundiced conclusion he seems to forget that eternity is made up an endless succession of present moments. If we want to life to the full we can't do so in the past, for that is gone. Nor can we live it in the future, for that hasn't yet arrived. Utopia is either here and now, or nowhere and never. Our aim must be to follow the advice contained in the ancient Sanskrit proverb: 'Look to this day, for yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.'

© Donald Norfolk 2011

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Your Caveman Brain

Why are you so afraid of one-in-a-million events like shark attacks, child abductions or dying in a plane crash? Why are you so willing to believe elaborate scenarios about possible future climatic events from the same people who can't even accurately predict tomorrow's weather? Have you ever stopped to realize that so many of the near hysterical "Pop" fears you too were once alarmed by--fears like BSE, acid rain, dangerous silicon breast implants, road rage, SARS or avian flu--miraculously disappeared at one point only to be replaced by others which have now or will soon disappear in the same mysterious manner? Why are you so afraid? In a nutshell, it's because of your caveman brain.

Consider this: Psychological testing has proven that you have a brain that somehow believes a piece of fudge shaped like dog poo really is dog poo. You have a brain that will use the first available number suggested to it to make an estimate about something that has absolutely nothing to do with that number. You have a brain that concludes that elaborate predictions about the future are more likely to come true than simple ones. You have a brain that concludes that the things easier to recall are more likely to happen again. And, most importantly, you have a brain that is constantly being subjected to the machinations of self-interested parties and fear merchants who have a vested interest in keeping you afraid.

As Daniel Gardner explains in his book The Science of Fear, when it comes to evolutionary psychology, try to picture the development of the human brain by equating the past 2,000,000 years of human development to a 201 page book. Two hundred pages would cover the entire time our species spent being nomadic hunter-gatherers in the Old Stone Age. The last page would cover our time in agrarian society, a period which began a mere 12,000 years ago (the first settlement only appeared about 4,600 years ago). The last paragraphs of that final page would cover the last two centuries of the world we now live in. We are cavemen.

Now take a look around you. How could a cave woman, at a lower but yet decisive level of her brain, not be frightened by everything she sees in this strange and complex world of ours? Her head was designed for wandering the savannah, not for dealing with most of what bombards her here. That is why her gut remains the dominant decision-making force. And that is the force that skews our perception of the world around us. The gut reacts instinctively and lightening fast and living in the lightning-fast time we do, the head just can't keep up, or it can't get through. That is the reason why we now live in a nation of worriers, in a society obsessed with risk. It doesn't matter that our head is trying to tell us we live in a much safer and healthier time than previous generations ever enjoyed, our gut blocks this out and only fixates on what it sees to be the contrary on the evening news. It lies in wait in anxious anticipation for the next fear to cling to, real or imaginary. Needless to say, Gut never has to wait for very long.

There are many complex psychological mechanisms in play during this ongoing conflict between Gut and Head. Three that can be singled out here are:

The availability heuristic. If examples of something can be easily recalled, Gut tells us that it must be common. If there is a brutal murder in City X, Gut convinces you that you too are at high risk because you can easily recall this. After all, you "saw" it on TV. It makes no difference that Head is trying to tell you how tiny the odds are of you being in danger. And memory is biased; the more recent, emotional, and vivid events are, the more likely they are to be remembered and therefore, according to Gut, more likely to happen.

Confirmation bias. Once a fear is in place, we screen what we see and hear in a biased way that ensures our fears are "proven" justified. Gut doesn't want to be confused by reasonable arguments or reassuring statistics to the contrary. Gut is bad with numbers. It likes a good story.

Group polarization. When people who share fears get together in groups, they become more convinced that their fears are right and they become even more extreme in their views. Once a fear goes mainstream, so-to-speak, the distortion about what should be frightening and what shouldn't be becomes insurmountable. We are social animals and what others think matters to us. That's why we don't need reasons for believing in risks and issues that "everybody knows" are true. We don't want them.

Seen in this context, we delude ourselves when we think that we evaluate evidence and make decisions about risks by calculating rationally. Experts are wrong to think they can ease fears about a risk simply by getting the facts out. Gut doesn't listen to reason. And experts, as we shall see, can't be trusted.

We overestimate the likelihood of being killed by the things that make the evening news and underestimate those that don't. It doesn't matter that disease related to smoking or obesity kills much higher numbers than catastrophic events, accidents, terrorism and murder. Gut sees these again and again on TV (or in other media), becomes obsessed with stories related to them and thus indirectly contributes to what then turns into a feedback loop of fear. Our skewed perception is easy to explain once we understand that Gut is in control while Head is asleep at the wheel. Head can't wipe out intuition. It can't change how we feel. And how we feel is the essential part of the calculation here: Fear sells. Gut feeling buys.

Is there anything sinister or conspiratorial about selling fear? Not really. After all, self-interest is the natural state of humankind. The news industry and new media make no secret about their desire to make money, nor need they. And it doesn't stop here. Fear is also a fantastic marketing tool for companies, consultants, politicians, bureaucrats, scientists, activists and NGOs, all of them in competition with one another, fighting for influence and sales with fear. For example, it is a standard practice for companies selling cleaning products or alarm systems to heighten your awareness about the risks you take by not using their products. What politician has not jumped at the opportunity to overplay a real or imaginary danger concerning an issue his political opponent has failed to address? Law enforcement and security officials are naturally adverse to risking their funding by playing down security risks to you. Scientists need funding too and well, no problem, no funding. NGOs and other groups have political agendas to promote. Would they hesitate to spread fear if this helped them achieve their goals?

What can Head do to help alleviate this skewed perception problem of ours? Not much, really. Many of the issues facing us today are so complex that we as individuals are not in the position to properly understand them. Being that we simply don't have enough time or energy to research them ourselves, we must rely on experts to do this for us. And these experts are generally biased, most likely belonging to one of the various groups mentioned above. And we are often just as biased as the experts are. Strangely, displaying fear about particular issues has become a form of expressing cultural identity or making a political statement. I find it amusing that peering into the future and imagining what can go wrong has become something of a parlor game for intellectuals, for instance. And sadly, another problem is that questioning things that "everybody knows to be true" requires a lot of effort and stamina that many of us simply do not have.

So why are you so afraid? Your caveman brain wouldn't have it any other way. It's just too bad that too many of your inner caveman's risk-perception buttons are being pressed by someone else.

Originally from California's Central San Joaquin Valley and washed ashore on the coast of old West Berlin, Charles Larson is a freelance writer well versed in German and German culture. For more info, feel free to visit his website at EnglishPro & Co.

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Start With Why

Have you ever wondered why some people and organisations are more innovative, more influential and more profitable than others? Simon Sinek delves into the intricacies of why some corporations command greater loyalty from customers and employees, and what these inspirational leaders have in common.

"Start With Why" unearths why certain individuals and enterprises were able to inspire those around them to achieve outstanding things. Simon studied the leaders who have had the greatest influence in the world, and discovered that they all think, act, and communicate in exactly the same way, and it is completely contrary to what "everyone else" thinks and does. He shows how great leaders inspire everyone to take action. Simon discovered the powerful concept called "The Golden Circle", which provides the blueprint upon which organisations can be built, movements can be led, and people can be inspired.

Simon Sinek reveals that most organisations can explain what they do and how they do it, but very few can definitively explain why they do what they do. Simon digs deeply into why people are attracted to certain organisations and leaders, and not to others. The book follows a naturally occurring pattern. There is a common thread that weaves throughout the pages of "Start With Why", in particular, a certain way of thinking, acting, and communicating that gives some leaders the ability to inspire those around them.

The book is written in such a way, that it gets you thinking deeply about why you do what you do, and whether or not you actually believe in yourself, your cause or purpose. Understanding why you do what you do, will enhance your belief in yourself and your cause, and in turn inspire others to believe in what you believe. In essence, if you don't know why you do what you do, how will anyone else know? It is not only a book that inspires, it is a book that empowers you to "think outside the box" and guides you on to the road to success. It's a journey of discovery, and takes a little practice in self-examination, but it is well worth the analysis.

In this day and age where so many businesses are struggling to keep ahead of the pack, it is crucial now more than ever, to understand why you are doing what you do. Understanding this simple, yet powerful quality, will radically enhance how you do business, and how you inspire others to take action.

We enjoyed reading the book and give it a definitive "thumbs up" to individuals and entrepreneurs, or anyone, who is seeking to progress in their personal development, and their business pursuits.

Online Entrepreneur Zurieka Model, lives in London, United Kingdom with her hubby James. Together they enjoy a life by design inspiring individuals and empowering entrepreneurs to design their own lifestyle, and live a life of freedom, mobility and contentment.

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You Don't Know Crazy

Mental Illness - It Is My Turn Please, anyone who has been affected by someone they love that was or has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder should read this book. It is from the inside view of the person with the diagnosis versus the person trying to deal with someone else having the behavioral health disease. There is nothing fun about it and if it is not caught early will be mislabeled as a troubled child, person or problem person.

Wambui Bahati basically goes through her life and lays it out on her sleeve for us as she starts from the beginning in her childhood and what she went through growing up. She went through multiple moves in her lifetime and dealt with racial issues during the timeframe when it was high on everyone's mind.

She was educated at New York University studying acting and even then was taking advantage of sexually. What people don't understand is people diagnosed with Bipolar are easy targets for drug, alcohol, sexual and physical abuse. Normally, they also fall in and out of depression easily and they have a hard time trying to find out who they are or constantly blame themselves and are unsure why they cannot make anyone happy.

It takes a strong person to live with someone diagnosed with Bipolar and vice versus. There will be many hospitalizations until medications and therapy find the right mix and the patient continues to take them or find something that works to allow then to get off the rocky road they are traveling. People with bipolar have ups and downs and some refer to them as peaks and valleys. When they hit a low or a valley it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes work, patience and lots of love.

As you read on you will see after her second marriage, she is finally able to have a family and is able to find some hope and comfort. After being misdiagnosed for so long at the age of 40 she is finally given the correct diagnosis and she was able to work with the natural remedies versus the harsher medications and moved forward. This in itself is a big challenge. "You Don't Know Crazy" is about a woman who is fighting the battle in her mind. In this case she is taking back control. She is one of the lucky ones; she had the support of the professionals, her family and her friends. To get an inside view of mental illness read this book it does not get any plainer than this.

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How to Deal With the Suicidal Child

The problem of child suicide continues to grow and the lives of many young people aged from 10 upwards will be lost to this tragic event. In the United States alone, suicide is the third leading cause of death in teenagers and the fourth leading cause of death in pre-teens.

In countries where guns are readily available, this is generally the method used in suicide. However, if they are not easy to access, these youngsters often resort to poisoning or hanging.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are far more common. It is estimated that for about 300 attempted suicides, there is one successful suicide.

If children suffer from depression, they are much more likely to attempt suicide than other children. Almost a quarter of depressed children will attempt to end their life. It is also a high possibility in children who have a substance abuse problem such as drugs or paint or glue sniffing.

The risk is also increased where there is a family history of suicide and where weapons are easily accessible. If a child has an obsession with thoughts of death they are more liable to make a serious suicide attempt or complete suicide.

Despite the common belief that a child's suicide attempt is a way of getting attention, it is believed that this is the case in only 10 percent of cases. Around two thirds of children who attempt suicide genuinely want to die or escape a seemingly impossible situation. It is very hard to predict the likelihood of suicide, especially in children and teenagers.

Firstly, it may help to try to understand suicidal thoughts. It's quite common for a child or teen to have thoughts of suicide but no plan on how they would go about it. The main concern is if the child has made prior attempts at suicide, is depressed, or is cynical. This is when they are more likely to be thinking seriously about suicide.

If the child or teen has a plan, it means that they are thinking seriously about suicide and have a plan on how to do it.

Having attempted suicide means that the child or teen has actually tried to fatally harm themselves. The repercussions of the act may be physical or psychological. Sometimes the person will feel that he/she is a failure and can't even 'get it right' when they try to kill themselves.

At other times, the attempt to take their own life may be done on impulse and is often the result of a break up in a relationship.

If you are the parent or friend of a child considering suicide, there are things you can do to help him/her manage these thoughts and behavior.

1. Take the child's threats seriously

Pay attention if the child is expressing a wish to die. It may mean nothing but it means that, at the very least, this child needs someone to talk to.

2. Talk about suicide

If the child is depressed, they may be considering suicide and these thoughts wont miraculously disappear by ignoring the subject. Don't be frightened to ask a depressed child if they are considering suicide.

3. Get help

If a child is thinking suicidal thoughts or has made an attempt to harm themselves, they need professional help. Often, they may have a psychiatric disorder that has not been identified and treated.

4. Don't leave a suicidal child alone

If the child is considering suicide or has attempted suicide and has a plan, you need to watch them until a professional assessment is done. This can be very exhausting for all concerned but it is necessary.

5. Don't be manipulated

There are some children or teens who may use talk of suicide to manipulate others so that they can get what they want. This often happens if a relationship or friendship breaks up. The person may threaten suicide if the partner wants out of the relationship.

6. Lock up anything that can be used to suicide

It is imperative that you lock away any firearms, medications, ropes or anything else that may be a risk. You even need to lock away razors and knives.

These actions may make a difference in the outcome for the suicidal child or teenager.

Anne has worked primarily within health and welfare for around 35 years. She has always loved to write and has a wide range of interests. She is the owner of http://www.ourkidzbiz.com/ and http://www.ozehealthbiz.com/

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How the Brain Works in Making Decisions

Each of us continues to evolve as a person, not just because of our genetic make-up, but also because of the decisions we have made and will continue to make throughout life. Understanding how we make decisions and working at making better decisions is the theme of Jonah Lehrer's book, How We Decide.

In this book Jonah Lehrer summarizes the latest neuroscience research on what happens within a person's brain when making decisions. The author uses real-life stories and research studies to illustrate how the brain works when making decisions. For anyone intrigued with the science of what happens within the brain when decisions are made, this book is well-researched, informatively insightful and will be easily understood by those with a limited knowledge-base in the area of neuroscience.

Many decisions are made based on our emotions and feelings which are a result of cumulative life experiences. A person's emotional brain is able to quickly amass all information within the brain to give a person a gut feeling, an instinct, when solving some types of problems. The more experiences a person has had in particular areas, the more a person can depend on the emotional brain to make a decision. "...Intelligent institution is the result of deliberate practice."

Some situational problems require focused attention and analysis. Therefore, it is important to realize the type of decision that needs to be made and the thinking that may need to take place.

Many people are uncomfortable with uncertainty when making particular decisions and often times that uncertainty may lead to ignoring bits of information. At such times people often do not think through to analyze contradictory information. The brain desires to experience pleasant and pleasing emotions but that can easily lead to people minimizing or dismissing evidence that contradicts their beliefs.

As the author states, "We always need to be thinking about how we think. Sometimes we need to reason through our options and carefully analyze the possibilities. And sometimes we need to listen to our emotions. The secret is knowing when to use these different styles of thought." Focusing attention, analyzing and learning from the mistakes of what we experience leads to readjustments in thinking. We become better at something and also reap the benefit of becoming better decision makers. "...self-criticism is the secret to self-improvement."

The ability to use emotions and focused analysis in the right situations results in a person who continually thinks about how to think. That becomes the key to becoming better decision-making. As the author states, "This is the most astonishing thing about the human brain; it can always improve itself. Tomorrow, we can make better decisions." To understand how our brain makes decisions is to not only better understand ourselves, but it also enables us to better understand our fellow human beings.

How We Decide...an interesting and enlightening read.

How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer, who also wrote Proust Was a Neuroscientist.

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company New York, New York, 2009, 302 pages.

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Parenting With the Enneagram

Two Enneagram Books

In this article, I will review two Enneagram books by Elizabeth Wagele, the Enneagram of Parenting and the book she wrote for children, to help them better understand themselves, Finding the Birthday Cake.

Both books have helped me and my son tremendously! Both books offer helpful quizzes for parents to use to evaluate their children to see which Enneagram style they use.

And in both, the author cautions the parent that the Enneagram style may not become set in stone until they get older. While they are still young, the best thing to look at is their behavior and their tendency.

She uses a lot of cartoons in both books to illustrate each type and painting a picture of what each one is like not only makes each type seem cute and endearing, but also makes the distinctions between them clear.

"Elizabeth Wagele is a writer, cartoonist and musician who lives in Berkeley, CA, with her husband, Gus, where they raised four children and enjoy visits from their grandchildren. In 1994, HarperCollins published The Enneagram Made Easy, which is now used all over the world. She followed that with books on relationships, parenting, introverts, a children's book, and a CD on Beethoven where she plays excerpts from his piano sonatas and discusses his personality."-from Elizabeth Wagele's website

The Enneagram of Parenting

What I found helpful about this book is the way it translated each type into child language and behavior. She really did a good job of explaining how each personality type would express itself in school, at play, during mealtimes, at bedtime, and she described how they would react to stress. She also explains what they need from us as parents, and gives helpful suggestions about how to meet your child where he is, depending on his type.

Finding the Birthday Cake

Though I read this book as well, it is actually written as a story book for children, to teach the Enneagram to them in a way that makes it easy for them to understand. My son has read it several times and feels quite clearly that he and I are both fours (we are) and is clear about the others in our family, too.

In fact, he understands it so well that he enjoys guessing about people outside the family and can make a case for the type he thinks they are based on what he has observed in their behavior.

For more information about these books, go to Parenting with the Enneagram.

Jeanine Byers Hoag is a certified holistic health practitioner and is the author of The Life That's Waiting for You: Four Simple Steps to Identifying & Living Your Life Purpose. Her website is http://www.istheresomethingmore.net/

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Influence the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B Cialdini, PhD

"Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" was written because the author believed that there is a psychology of compliance. In the introduction Robert Cialdinistates; "I can admit it freely now. All my life I've been a patsy. For as long as I can recall, I've been an easy mark for the pitches of peddlers, fund-raisers, and operators of one sort or another." Masterfully researched and written over the duration of 35 years, the book explains the psychology of why people say "yes" and how to apply this understanding to everyday life. As consumers, we like to think that we can't be easily fooled by a salesperson. However, the book proves that we are being "sucked in" everyday to buy things we don't want or need.

Compliance tactics used in the field of sales, fundraising and advertising, unveiled the six universal principles of ethical persuasion. The book explains the psychological triggers that influence people to comply with requests, and covers how these triggers are used. Use them to become a skilled persuader, or defend yourself against them. Hopefully, the principles will move the reader toward personal change, and act as a driving force for success.

Simple truths

Expensive implies quality Turquoise jewellery, in the peak of tourist season [marked half price] wasn't selling. The store's employee then mistakenly marked up the jewellery by doubling the price. Within a week the jewellery completely sold out. If it's expensive, it has got to be good.

Power of Contrast

If you go into a men's store the sales people always try to sell you an expensive suit before they sell you the expensive sweater, shirt or tie. The power of contrast makes the other items appear to be more affordable.

Power of Reason

People are more likely to agree to a request if a reason is given.

The following emotional methods are used to persuade/sell products and services to consumers. The six psychological influences that direct human behavior include

1. Reciprocation

2. Commitment and Consistency

3. Social Proof

4. Liking

5. Authority

6. Scarcity

1. Reciprocity. If the person who's selling raffle tickets buys you a coffee, you're more likely to buy raffle tickets from them. The laws of reciprocation prove that the person, after being offered something will feel obligated to buy something even if they are not interested.

2. Commitment. Make a commitment to achieve something, once the commitment is made there is a strong desire to remain consistent to it. People like and believe in commitment, their image and reputation is what is at stake. From early on we are taught to always keep our promises. Our ingrained responses will have negative connotations if we fail to keep these commitments.

3. Social Proof. Simply put, the idea that if others do it it's good. People follow the crowd because they believe in the wisdom of it. Assign responsibility. If you want things done tell someone to do it, otherwise, everyone will just assume that it's being done.

4. Liking. Attractiveness, similarity, compliments, contact and cooperation can make a person more influential. Most of us say yes to the requests of those we like. The marketing of Tupperware might as well be called viral marketing. People were more likely to buy the product if they liked the person selling it to them.

5. Authority. When faced with a decision people to take the lead from people with authority. Authority can be real or imaginary; people tend to buy from people who have professional titles. Other authority figures include celebrity product endorsements or con artists who use expensive cars and tailored suits to sell every type of product.

6. Scarcity. A psychological reaction is attached to this concept; people don't want to lose. A college student purchased second hand cars, polished them, and advertised them for sale at a distinctly higher price than what he'd paid. His secret weapon? He asked everyone who responded to his ad to arrive at the same time. The first guy to arrive was shown the car and while he was looking another prospective buyer would arrive. Then another. The first guy would be told a line is forming and given a few more minutes to make up his mind. You could imagine the anxiety that built up in the potential buyers' minds. If the first guy did not buy, the second one almost always did.

Fortunately, Cialdini concludes each chapter with hints on "How to say no." No matter how intelligent consumers are, they have undoubtedly fallen for many of these techniques used deliberately or accidentally. How many poor business investment decisions, product purchases, or strategic moves have been influenced by non-rational factors? Thank goodness automatic, mindless decisions are now a thing of the past!

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Political Ponerology - Book Review of the Pseudo Science of Pathological Leaders

Often victims become bullies, as research shows, and perhaps the worst offenders on society are those who've been damaged themselves, and want revenge. We know that revenge is a very strong psychological motivator indeed. Victims who have actually been abused or convince themselves they've been abused, even though their own failures have brought them down, are perhaps the most dangerous of all in our society.

There is an interesting book on this topic, one you may wish to read if you want to get a victim's hateful diatribes and revengeful take on pathological behavior. The author makes the unbelievable and incoherent ascertain that four percent of population is unable to discern right from wrong using the conscience because they have none to start with. Indeed, the victim is a polish gentleman who dealt with NAZI rule, and then Stalin after the war.

The victim with all his hateful rage came up with "theories" attempting to purport them as facts, that certain bloodlines of elites contained the gene set allowing them to operate in society without conscience. Thus, giving them the advantage of life and actions without guilt - which is why they often rise to the top of society leaving broken dreams, destruction, debris, and even death in their wakes. This victim, uses his so-called pseudo science to persuade the reader of these ascertains.

Why did I even bother to read this book? An individual who considers himself a non-acquaintance of mine after an online email discussion recommended it to me. The book goes into theories of evil, and claims to be scientific, it's not really, but it is very interesting - the name of the book is:

"Political Ponerology: A Science on The Nature of Evil adjusted for Political Purposes," by Andrzej Lobaczewki - edited by Laura Knight-Jadczyk, New Leaf Distribution, (2007), pages 239, ISBN: 978-189-72442-58.

This book is completely interesting, but it goes on to become a political hit piece no better than Mein Koff in my opinion, as it attacks a former American President George W. Bush. The author and particularly the editor will not come to the realization that Stalin was a communist and Hitler was a socialist as they attack the US president's personal character. Indeed, I felt sorry for the author that his life became a hateful revenge mission to attack our leaders, but I was really taken aback by the evil cunning nature of how this book used Lobaczewki's work as a political hit piece.

Worse, it's amazing that the editor of this book does not dare trash our current sitting president who is by all definitions a socialist leaning and thinking leader. Indeed, due to the low approval ratings of President Bush towards the end of his second term, I do not doubt the book was popular and re-kindled Lebaczewki's pseudo-science. The reality is there is absolutely NO empirical evidence whatsoever to back up the claims in this book, even though it claims to be scientific.

Did, I enjoy this book? Yes, I thought it was comical in a way, as it reflected the sick mind of a victim tormented and unable to come to terms with his own evil thoughts, or the evil which had ruined his life experience. Thus, he was a damaged and driven soul. But, I do believe that this book is dangerous, as it is that of what ignites conspiracy theory.

Would I buy this book again? Oh, certainly no. Would I read it for free if available? Only chapter II, so please consider all this, and please be careful what you read and why, and be wise enough to look at the true motivation of such authors as they cry foul.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes writing 21,600 articles was a lot of work - because all the letters on his keyboard are now worn off..

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The Happiness Advantage

Shawn Achor's authored a book called "The Happiness Advantage the Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work." He discusses an original idea, and one I've never even heard about called post traumatic growth. The term post traumatic growth is a relatively new term and is defined as the experience of positive change that occurs as the result of the struggle and highly challenging life crises. The benefits are endless and among them are an increased sense of personal strength, changed priorities, and a richer existential and spiritual life.

I love the basis of his book and in it he mentions the research principle called "falling up." "There are a group of individuals called "positive outliers" - who possess high optimism and success - and manage to gain growth not despite a trauma, but because of it," he writes.

Shawn challenges his readers to try this brief positive psychology experiment:

Take out a sheet of paper, and jot down three of the greatest moments of growth in your life.

It didn't take me long to come up with getting laid off, going back to school very late in life, and a car accident.

Shawn does public speaking engagements in 45 countries worldwide. The results to this exercise shows 90% of the responses were about highly stressful periods of change. They include going to college, studying abroad, playing in the finals, quitting one job to find a better one, the birth of a child, and even depression. The greatest moments of growth are experienced due to stress and change.

For me, getting laid off, going back to school, and a car accident, were traumatic, but it is not the end of the story. After I encountered this chain of events I thought "What now?"

There is actually a wealth of research on individuals who experienced growth after the worst traumas you can imagine: heart attack, breast cancer, and military combat. But this can actually be the catalyst for change. It has actually prompted many individuals to get their priorities in line. We all know people who have done this, and it's been nothing short of remarkable to witness their progress. Some have been and continue to be a great inspiration to me. In my case, the loss of a job lead to a change of career and one that actually aligns with my core vision and values. Shawn believes that if you have experienced a trauma, find one concrete action - something you know you can do - to decrease the negative feelings associated with the trauma.

On September 11th 2001, singer Patti Austin had a ticket booked on an internal flight in the U.S. but had to cancel her trip due to recording commitments. The flight was subsequently hijacked by terrorists and was crashed killing all on board, it was on route to targeting the White House. She thought if she'd been on that flight then that would have been it, and as someone who's spiritual she realized God must have had bigger plans for her life. She changed her attitude and realized that she had to make the best of what she had now by addressing health issues that had plagued her most of her life. So she made it her focus to lose 40 lbs. by having bypass surgery. This gave her brain a "win," allowing her to keep moving forward.

What gets in the way of us creating positive change in our lives? We are afraid of change, and some have become complacent. When you change your mindset you change your habits. The key to growth came when I saw the optimistic version as opposed to the pessimistic version of what really happened in these events.

We were taught the formula for success at a young age. If we work hard we will be more successful, and if we are more successful, then we will be happy. If this was true then if we can just find that great opportunity, win that next promotion, lose those ten pounds, then happiness will follow. We all know this just isn't the case. Does happiness fuel success? No, that concept is completely backward. When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work and in life. And rigorous research in psychology and neuroscience, management studies, and the bottom lines of organizations around the globe proves it.

Having trauma in our life is not always pleasant - but it's the beginning of the story, and doesn't have to be the end. Those who thrive maintain a belief that their behavior still matters and that growth is still possible.

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The White Tiger

The author addresses the problems of the life of Munna, a boy belonging to the rural suburb of Gurgaon. His plight can be understood by the fact that when he enters school and the teacher asks for his name, he replies that he doesn't have a name and that his family doesn't have time to name him. The teacher names him Balram, hence this name continues throughout the book.

The author explains, with immaculate use of local vocabulary, what it was like for Balram to grow up in the village. It is common knowledge that feudalism is dominant in rural india, and the author goes at length to describe the oppression of being a commoner and not a lord. Hereon, Balram is forced to leave behind his roots at a young age and migrates to the city with his brother. The author's style depicts the shrewdness of such deprived people, hidden from the view of an urban citizen at many a times. One is forced to believe that the walls of pawn shops and tea stalls indeed have ears, as the chotas of the shop eavesdrop on the conversations of these customers. Balram gets inspiration for a job on one such occasion, and ends up being a driver, entering a master-servant relationship.

Balram is a servant of a member of New Delhi, Mr.Ashok. Ashok has recently returned from USA, with Pinky madam as his wife and is, obviously, a resident of New Delhi. The author goes at length to elaborate the raw emotions of jealousy, fear and that constant nagging of being reprimanded by the master. Balram encounters every peculiar experience known to man in his career as a driver and each experience polishes his personality and strengthens his belief that one day even he would be the proud owner of a Honda City and be allowed the privilege to enter the shining malls of New Delhi.

The unique fact about the book is the fact that it is basically a series of letters addressed to the premier of Japan of that time, Ven Jiyabao, from a humble citizen. Balram writes the email prior to the premier's visit, making the guest aware of the fact that India is not what the shiny pamphlet portrays it to be. Balram emails him as an entrepreneur and indeed he is. The book accounts for his transition from a driver to an entrepreneur in the most gripping way possible.

Aravind Adiga has done a remarkable job, depicting the phlegm of life being a low-caste Hindu. The barren realities of corruption, the crude treatment of servants. Beautiful, simply beautiful. Makes you believe that life is handed to you in a rusted plate, you have to polish it by crook or by book to see the steel beneath. Aravind Adiga's debut novel has received positive reviews with The Independent saying, "The truth, as it begins to emerge, is as shocking as it is fantastic. It's a rich subject, and Adiga mines all its darkly comic possibilities. Halwai's voice - wised-up, mordant, sardonic, self-mocking and utterly without illusions - is as compelling as it is persuasive, and one of the triumphs of the book."

This article is a personal review.

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Superfreakonomics - Amusing, Informative, Thought-Provoking - Overturns Conventional Wisdom

Superfreakonomics is the sequel to Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner's wildly popular and successful Freakonomics, a bestseller of quirky facts that explain the economic advantages and disadvantages of human behaviors ranging from drug dealing to choosing a baby's name. Superfreakonomics, like its predecessor, is hard to pin down on any single topic or theme. It rambles amiably through a range of subjects, revealing the economic causes, unintended consequences, and solutions for prostitution, terrorism, the costs of medical care, apathy and altruism, child safety, and climate change. It explores the economics of eating kangaroo meat (hint: it has to do with flatulence!), sex change operations, and chemotherapy.

The book overturns conventional wisdom and bestows upon readers dozes of fascinating factoids that will surely add color to any cocktail party conversation. Which is more dangerous - drunk driving or drunk walking? Why was horse manure a major problem in New York City at the turn of the last century? Why should suicide bombers buy life insurance, even though life insurance policies don't pay out in the event of suicide? Why did traffic deaths increase in the three months following the 9/11 attacks? How did the 9/11 attacks highlight a problem that led to a revolutionary advance in medicine? You'll find the answers in Superfreakonomics.

This book answers questions no one ever stopped to ask - especially, for some strange reason, questions about sex, gender differences, and prostitution. Why are there 35 million fewer females than males in India? Why is it that men in India have a low success rate with condoms? Is a Chicago prostitute more likely to be arrested by a cop or have sex with a cop? Can monkeys be taught to pay for sex?

Superfreakonomics isn't all trivia. It will tell you the types of cancer for which chemotherapy works and those for which it is totally ineffective. In fact, it will make you think twice about what happens in the hospital, the doctor's office, and the emergency room. It also tells the truth about child safety seats.

Most people remember the story about the murder of Kitty Genovese. She was brutally murdered by an assailant in her Queens New York neighborhood while 38 neighbors watched; not one called the police. At least that's the story the newspapers reported - the story that subsequently appeared in dozens of sociology texts over the next decade. There's just one problem. The story isn't completely true. Levitt and Dubner tell what really happened, along with some surprising findings about altruism and self-interest.

Levitt and Dubner also show how cheap and simple solutions can sometimes be found or invented for costly and complex problems such as hurricanes, global warming, and infection rates in hospitals. Anyone who reads this book will undoubtedly say, "Wow, I never knew that!" or "I never thought about it that way!"

Superfreakonomics is intriguing, amusing, informative, and thought-provoking all at once. It gives a new perspective to topics that are grabbing today's headlines. Read Freakonomics and Superfreakonomics and find out how misinformed our politicians and government leaders really are! Now that I've read it, I understand why these two books have such a huge following! I've joined that following, much to my delight.

Judith E. Pearson, Ph.D. is a licensed counselor, hypnotherapist, writer, speaker, and NLP Coach with a private practice, Motivational Strategies, Inc., in Springfield, Virginia. She is the executive director of the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists http://www.natboard.com/. She recently published The Weight, Hypnotherapy, and You Weight Reduction Program: An NLP and Hypnotherapy Practitioners Manual. Her web site is http://www.engagethepower.com/

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Is The Me Generation The Cause For The Culture Of Excess?

When I thought of reviewing THE CULTURE OF EXCESS, my first thought was am I the right person for this book? It only took me a few minutes and pages to realize that I would be fine for this book because I found the book was so much more than what I had expected. Dr. J. R. Slosar for me, most importantly, wrote this book in a way that made it easy to follow and understand. His goal seemed, in some ways, not far off from what I had been trying to do in a classroom as a teacher for the last few years prior to my retirement, and that was to get those young people to understand that their self-indulgence was very harmful to them as well as society as a whole.

With our country in a financial crisis, we see the self-centered life style that has taken over most of our lives to be the cause of most our problems. As Slosar refers to the "Me" generation needing to work toward a "We" generation, he explains how this is at the root of our problems. From the economy being hit so hard to the lifestyles we live, this book addresses how this happened and what needs to be done to change this dangerous path we are on.

Dr. Slosar states, "The changes in development of today's youth are profound as the interaction of economic and social trends have dramatically affected self-control and how we define success." He goes on to talk about how the ideas in this book can stop and change what it is happening and how all of us can learn to make better choices and have more positive results.

I hadn't thought about this excess causing some of the problems discussed in the book. I could see the financial end of it where we as a society have come to want what we want and go about getting it with no regard to cost to ourselves or those around us. This translates to more than just possessions, although they are a huge part. It also has to do with the deadly rise in obesity in our country and when I sat back and thought about it, well, of course that makes sense! I thought about what he was saying about how that also has to do with other social and health issues including drugs, increase in unnecessary cosmetic surgery, and so many other mental health issues. As a teacher, I watched as year after year, students' home and psychological problems got worse and I wondered what was going on to make these children have such problems. The ME society! Think about it! It makes all the sense in the world.

Dr. Slosar understands what is creating this culture of excess and he uses so many excellent examples in real-life situations but also does it with wit and clarity thus making the reader understand and relate to what he is saying. He goes on to include descriptions as well as history that helps the reader to see the reason our society is in the mess we are in. The organization of the book into chapters that deal with first the "Cultural Narcissism" and go on from that explanation into chapters of examples that explain why things are they way they are is very easy to follow. The problems that arise from use of technology in such unhealthy ways are explained in a chapter Slosar titled "Digital Coping: Loss, Reality, and Self-Deception". The fact that he recognized the problems but rather than just write about what they are and how they happened, he also includes how they can be dealt with to give every one who reads the book a glimmer of hope that we can reverse this. His main targets for all these problems come from capitalism being out of control (no kidding!...but we do hate to admit it) to a "consumerism overload" to the forces of technology and media being main causes. The problems of taking risks and being so out of control as we continue to put so much into material things has not led us to contentment and good health. Therefore, he advocates, we must rethink what success really means and how we can get to that place. How we must allow government to be a solution to our problems and allow them to do their job properly especially in that deregulation has certainly not helped. Our health MUST get better and there is so much in this EXCESS that has made us so unhealthy in more than just obesity but also mental disorders. And finally parents MUST take more responsibility in raising their children and set boundaries for their behavior. Children honestly will flourish much better when they have order in their life and set guidelines and rules to go by.

The case studies and examples cited by Dr. Slosar are just more proof of what he has written about when it comes to peer pressure from children all the way up to adults. The pressure to have the "right labels" and "act the right way" lead to more mental problems and financial disasters than ever seen before. It is almost common sense that this has happened when you read this book and stop and look back at what may have happened to you personally and how it effects you and those around you. THE CULTURE OF EXCESS-How America Lost Self-Control and Why We Need to Redefine Success is a thought provoking must-read for those who want a better life and society for themselves and their children and want to be part of a "We" Society at last!

Karen D. Haney, Author/Developer of BOOKIN' WITH BINGO ( http://bookinwithbingo.blogspot.com/ ), reviews books and interviews authors for her book blog. Reading and writing are her passion.

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Invite a Devil's Advocate

I am making a bit of a departure here by writing a book review, but I found this book thought provoking and an opportunity to do some self evaluation. I just finished reading the book Sway:The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman.

When you are discussing and reviewing the actions of leaders, managers, clients, friends or family and the thought that their choice or decision defies logic, reading this book offers some insight into what drives people and the choices they make. It is a relatively fast and easy read and you don't have to have a science or psychiatric degree to understand the theories they discuss.

There are interesting insights and examples to demonstrate behaviors and choices that we have all experienced and exhibited. The idea that I can reflect on some of my own choices and instead of only thinking 'well that is just the way it is' or 'I don't know, I had to go with my gut on that one' there is an opportunity here to look back and really understand what was going on. Sometimes the wrong choices and actions can't be helped and sometimes there is not a win-win resolve as a situation evolves but understanding how one has arrived in that state can be helpful toward improving your overall choices and decisions.

As managers or business owners, we are constantly making decisions and choices whether it is who we are hiring, what vendor we are selecting, and in what direction we are going to move our company. Understanding how we make decisions is helpful and this book offers insight on all of these topics.

Gaining an understanding how others make decisions is invaluable as we sell, manage clients and our staff.

The greatest take-away for me from this book is their discussion on research that shows that groups make better decisions when there is a "blocker" or a nay-sayer participating. Not that the concept of a devil's advocate is anything new, but having experimental data to support the value makes me think that I need to be more open to encouraging this type of person in the mix. I know at times it has been my role and so now I feel better about myself as well.

This book won't take up a lot of your time and is well worth the read. Afterward, come back to this blog post and let me know your thoughts!

Mardy Sitzer
Bumblebee Design & Marketing
http://www.bumblebeellc.com/ / 212-677-4050

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Review of Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins

This is an older book. I think it was written sometime in the mid 1980s. Still, Unlimited Power remains extremely relevant today and happens to be one of the most effective books I've ever read in my life. I take that back, I think it probably is the most effective book I've ever read in my life.

Reading Unlimited Power, you need to come into it with an open mind. If you go into your reading experience thinking this is all new age hype that doesn't actually mean anything, you'll probably get nothing out of it. Listen to what Tony Robbins says and listen closely. Read every page with a completely open mind and I can guarantee your mindset will change for the better.

The exercises in this book should also be taken seriously. At the very least, they'll make a believer out of you. You'll realize that neuro linguistic programming does in fact work and your life will be put into perspective. Everything is in fact what you make of it. If you choose to be happy, you'll feel happy each and every day. If you tackle things with enthusiasm, your productivity will increase by multiples and you'll yield better results. This will feed into a better lifestyle that you're satisfied with.

As you can see, this is all an intertwined cycle that actually does make sense. Life is short. Make the most of it and don't waste your years dwelling on things that you can't change. If you can in fact change them, then by all means do it!

I just bought myself a copper mailbox and I'm looking into brass mailboxes too.

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Flow - The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Greatest Ever Business Books Series

This great book from one of the founding fathers of positive psychology is no pop psychology book as it is backed up by years of scientific research. It outlines his theory that people are most happy when they are in a state of flow. This is where you are in a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity and situation that you are in right at the time.

Flow is "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sake of doing it." It is an intrinsically rewarding experience, and it can also help you achieve a goal, for example winning a deal or improving skills in areas such as sports or games. The idea of flow is identical to what many people call being in the zone or in the groove.

To get into the flow state, you must find a balance between the challenge of the task and the level of skill. If the task is too easy or too difficult, flow cannot occur. You must match both skill level and challenge level and both must be at a high level. If you match skill and challenge at a low level apathy results.

I am sure you have all at some time experienced flow and the kind of high it brings. The Ideas in Flow have massive impact on how we perform our work and business. If you can take this information and use it to redesign you work you will not only be happier but also much more productive and richer. Something to think about and strive for.

Remember to take your first step now! as this builds momentum and you are the likely to reach your goal.

Sincerely dedicated to your success, http://www.yhbiz.biz/

Jeffrey Le Compte
http://www.jeffreylecompte.com/
Life & Executive Coach
B.Bus DFP MAICD CPA

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Psychological Abnormalities Considered - Book Review

When it comes to psychology what's that famous line; What is Normal Anyway? Indeed, it's hard to say if anyone is completely normal, and with that said, who'd want to be of normal psychology anyway. And surely no one wants to be considered abnormal, and if they did, they probably already are you see? In any case, because abnormality in psychology is such a fascinating topic, perhaps you'd like to learn more on the topic.

Well, if this sounds good to you, then there is a pretty straight forward and easy book to read on the topic even for a layman like me, someone outside of the field of psychology. Okay so, the book I'd like to recommend to you is a book I personally own, and its well worth taking a gander at, and reading through when you have the time. The name of the book is;

"Casebook in Abnormal Psychology" (second edition) by Timothy A Brown and David H. Barlow, Wadsworth - Thompson Learning Book Publishers, Pacific Grove, CA, (2001), 334 pages, ISBN: 0-534-36316-4.

This book is an excellent overview of several abnormal psychology conditions and issues, some of the most common in fact. I was originally upset, and concerned to read in the introduction the following statement: "All of the cases in this book are based on actual clinical histories and treatment outcomes although the patient names and identifying characteristics (i.e. demographics such as age, occupation, martial/family history) have been changed." This bothered me because I believe those factors are very important.

And yet, as I read through this book, I began to realize that perhaps that wasn't so important as to understanding the basic principles of abnormal psychology or at least the types of abnormalities described in this book. Things like PTSD for instance, as that can happen to anyone, of any age it appears. Indeed, you should have this book as a reference and everyone should know a little bit about psychology anyway. Please consider all this.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes it's hard work to write 22,000 articles; http://www.bloggingcontent.net/

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Psychology of the Future by Stanislav Grof

The author is one the foremost writers in the field of transpersonal psychology. This book covers ideas regarding non-ordinary states of consciousness. His discussion draws on for example such fascinating human states of consciousness as past-life experiences, peak experiences, communication with spirit guides and channelling, near-death experiences, crises of shamans like witch-doctors, states of possession, and awakening of Kundalini. He also reports findings from his original research into 'psychedelic therapy' and 'holotropic breathwork'. 

Holotropic consciousness

He writes that in holotropic states, consciousness is changed qualitatively in a very profound and fundamental way although people typically remain fully orientated in terms of space and time, not completely losing touch with everyday reality. At the same time it is said that our field of consciousness is invaded from contents from other dimensions of existence in a way that can be very intense and even overwhelming. We thus experience simultaneously two very different realities, having each foot in a different world.

He goes on to say that holotropic states are characterised by dramatic perceptual changes in all sensory areas. When we close our eyes we may see images drawn from personal history or visions portraying plants or animals, scenes from nature, or of the universe. We may be experiencing realms of archetypal beings and mythological regions. And even when we open our eyes, our perception of our surroundings can be transformed by vivid projections of this unconscious material. Various sounds, physical sensations, smells and tastes may also be involved.

He also describes emotions characteristic of these states. Feelings can be very intense. They may range from ecstatic rapture, content and peacefulness, to terror, murderous anger, utter despair, or consuming guilt. Such states of mind seem to match either the celestial paradises or hellish realms described in sacred scriptures of the world's religions.

He reports that, in these non-ordinary states of consciousness, we may not be able to rely on our judgment of everyday practical matters but we can be flooded by remarkable valid information on a variety of subjects as well as deep insights concerning our personal history, unconscious dynamics, and life problems. He writes that we can also "experience extraordinary revelations concerning various aspects of nature and of the cosmos that by a wide margin transcends our educational and intellectual background."

Finally he comments that the most interesting insights that become available revolve around philosophical, metaphysical and spiritual issues. And so he thinks holotropic states of consciousness facilitate deep personality changes and spiritual opening. 

Spiritual nature of existence

Grof argues that experiences of this kind are the main source of mythologies, philosophies and religious systems describing the spiritual nature of existence.

He maintains that the dogmas and activities of mainstream religions tend to obscure the fact that the only place where true spirituality can be found is inside the psyche of each of us. Most people would probably agree with his assertion that at its worst organised religion can actually function as a grave impediment for any serious spiritual search, rather than an institution that can help us connect with the divine. For, by denigrating its members, it makes it difficult to believe that the divine is within them.

Altered states of consciousness are not unequivocal proof of survival of consciousness after death. However, Grof points out that according to Western neuroscience, consciousness is a product of the physiological processes in the brain, and thus critically dependent on the body. Very few people, including most scientists, realise that we have no proof that consciousness is actually produced by the brain and that we do not even have a remote notion of how something like consciousness could possibly happen in terms of physical matter.

Whilst remaining an agnostic about what happens after death, Grof is absolutely clear that none of the interpretations based on careful study of altered states of consciousness are compatible with the monistic materialistic worldview of Western science. At the same time he acknowledges that a belief in survival and karma will have a profound impact on our behaviour.

This book is published in the Suny Series in Transpersonal and Humanistic Psychology, State University of New York Press. 2000. Grof has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the transpersonal world and it shows. However the reader should be warned about a tendency towards repetition. Many scientists will probably feel he has over-stated his case. Nevertheless I warmly recommend this book and give it a five-star rating.

Copyright 2010 Stephen Russell-Lacy

Stephen Russell-Lacy edits Spiritual Questions a free eZine that explores links between spiritual philosophy and the comments and questions of spiritual seekers.

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Review of Simon Clarkson's Book - DayDreaming

I recently discovered that there are several positive thinking books available on the market, I have discovered one that interested me, Simon Clarkson has published 'DayDreaming'. This is a book aimed at the individual who is looking for success through a positive mental attitude and wants to take control of their lives.

It is a book that emphasises the power of positive thinking not dissimilar to The Secret in principle, but written by an Englishman in simple terms.

The book explains how Simon applies the power of positive thinking in all of his thoughts, actions to his everyday life. What Simon explains to his reader is that if something is important to us sufficiently so and we desire it, it can and will happen.

The world that we live in today is full of people who are negative and don't believe that they are either good enough or deserve it, whatever it is. What Simon writes is that the world is indeed there for is all to tap into, the important thing being, we need to develop our positive thinking techniques to concentrate on these issues.

Simon goes into detail of his own personal experiences in life, these are quite touching but, the important issue being it is the power of the human being. We all possess these powers but very few people apply them and this is a huge issue we all appear to have.

A great memory that I recall, is one that's when I was a young boy and I would balance on a high wall, my mother would invariably shout" be careful otherwise you may fall". And guess what invariably I'd fall. The point being once you have been told something your brain will think that it will happen and more often than not it does.

Apply the same thoughts to positive thinking techniques within our lives and you can transform your life. How simple can it all be, surely if we changed our thoughts, wouldn't life be a lot better for all mankind.

In conclusion what Simon Clarkson's book does, is to encourage us all to think positive, healthy good thoughts and you never know when you actually tune in, it will happen. If you were to carry out very simple research it would prove that most successful, prosperous individuals all have one thing in common: the same trait.

Dream it, feel it, touch it, smell it, even imagine playing a video in your mind and all these dreams will come true.

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Sex, Sexuality, and Therapeutic Practice

Human sexuality is a complex and controversial issue that is often ignored during therapy and clinical training. Yet, it is a salient aspect of the human experience, which requires deep understanding by both client presenting for therapy and therapist facilitating treatment.

Sex, Sexuality, and Therapeutic Practice provides therapists with a critical framework for understanding our personal beliefs regarding sexuality and a guide for addressing sexuality in clinical practice. Written from systemic, cognitive behavioral, and social constructivist approaches, this book offers readers an opportunity to understand the impact of sex and sexuality on the individual as well as on the larger social and cultural contexts in which the person lives.

The book begins with a theoretical discussion regarding various conceptualizations of sex and sexuality. A straightforward description of sex, sexuality, and gender through biological, legal, moral, and spiritual lenses provide readers with a solid knowledge base on which to draw throughout the remaining chapters. The next chapter discusses how therapists may talk about sex with clients during therapy. A discussion regarding health and disability sheds lights on the sexual issues often experienced by this infrequently discussed population. The following chapter considers the experience of sexual and gender minorities during therapy, purporting how training programs may address these issues with aspiring therapists. The penultimate chapter evaluates sexuality across the lifespan; a developmental perspective toward the end of the book provides a context in which the previous chapters may be understood. This is a critical chapter as it describes the unfolding of sexuality across the developmental continuum. The book culminates with a chapter discussing the relationship among culture, sex, and sexuality.

This book is a practical guide for all therapists regardless of theoretical orientation. Practical exercises pepper each chapter to ensure that readers apply the information rather than simply think theoretically about sexuality. Quizzes ask readers to test their assumptions and knowledge about sex, sexuality, gender, and sexual orientation. Complex theories and concepts are boxed and bulleted to facilitate readers' understanding and application of those concepts to clinical care. Diagrams complement complex theories and provide readers with a visual image that illustrates the relationship among theory, concept, and human behavior. This is a definite read for students in graduate training programs and therapists currently in practice.

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Overcoming Passive Aggression

What I like about the book is that even though it addresses the angry person as "the problem" and the focus is on how that person expresses or fails to express hidden anger, there is a strong call to action on the part of the person who is in a relationship with the angry person. And part of the call is being careful about the way we express anger.

The book identifies several types of passive-aggressive people and their deep inner motivations for expressing their anger passively. The authors point out that there are deep inner needs that drive the other person's behavior and they often stem from childhood. Understanding what those needs might be help to explain why they are using these sneaky expressions of behavior instead of expressing it directly.

It also separates the differences you encounter when the passive-aggressive person is your partner, your child, your parent, your boss, your coworker, or your best friend.

The authors give detailed descriptions and great case stories to illustrate how the different types of passive-aggressive behavior show up.

They have numerous checklists to take in case, you, the reader, are the angry person expressing it passively. And they identify the costs of anger in terms of health challenges, ruined marriages, lost job promotions, estranged family relationships and others.

If you are dealing with someone's hidden anger at home, at work or in some other situation, you are likely to recognize it as you read this book. Most likely, you know that already, but one of the possible problems they mentioned is that people enable and protect the angry person, denying, ignoring or minimizing the other person's behavior.

For me, the most helpful part of the book is the part where they describe enabling and issue the call to stop it. They make several suggestions about the changes you need to make if you are encountering someone's hidden anger...

(1) Immediately stop enabling it. Address it directly and clearly and set firm boundaries about what is or is not acceptable.

(2) But do so calmly, watching carefully the way you express your own anger, lessening your own reactiveness when something happens. Be as positive as you can during each interaction. Make the interaction about resolution and state clearly what you would like to see happen to resolve the problem.

(3) Don't accept excuses if you are clear that what happened is an example of hidden anger expressed in a passive-aggressive way. And be direct about the consequences of continuing the behavior.

(4) Don't be drawn into an argument about which one of you is right and which one is wrong.

(5) Be careful not to attack the person but to focus instead on what happened and what you believe needs to happen now and in the future. Behavior not character.

"About half of passive-aggressors are fully aware of what they are doing, Engel estimates. The rest act (or don't act) unwittingly and then wonder why they get people's blood boiling."-- therapist Beverly Engel, author of Honor Your Anger: How Transforming Your Anger Style Can Change Your Life.

For more information about how to deal with the passive-aggressive person in your life, go to http://www.squidoo.com/overcoming-passive-aggression.

For a recorded meditation that will help you heal the anger and hurt feelings that have built up in you due to your partner's passive-aggressive behavior, go to Healing Relationship Issues.

Jeanine Byers Hoag is a certified holistic health practitioner and is the author of the forthcoming The Life That's Waiting for You: Four Simple Steps to Identifying and Living Your Life Purpose.

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